Self-Expression

The Illusion of Loneliness

“The funny thing is when you start feeling happy alone, that’s when everyone decides to be with you” -Jim Carrey

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Let’s talk about connection baby, let’s talk about me and….me. I am a self proclaimed ambivert (50/50 intro and extro) and do a lot of the typical ‘couples’ things by myself (eat dinner, binge watch Handmaid’s Tale, travel, grocery shop). I have a great group of friends, amazing family and tons of acquaintances and colleagues that I love spending time with. I have a beautiful and fulfilling life that looks pretty great on Instagram and truth be told, is pretty fantastic in real life. I am pleased with my ability to own that sometimes I want to be alone and that makes me a better woman all around.

There is a societal impression, a general consensus, that being alone equates to being without. There is an undercurrent of pity and edginess when you self identify as alone (or introverted or single). I’ve found myself defending my alone-ness before, without provocation. The person on the other side of the conversation didn’t say anything wrong, probably just asked me if I was dating anyone; and my own insecurity about what it means to be single (and liking it) kicked in. “Oh you know me, dating everyone and no one” ...hilarious.

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The truth is I live in this inbetween world of loving my complete independence (or as my good friend Kris says, “Free Agent Status”) and feeling like I have to love it  because it’s been laid at my doorstep (like a birthmark or a hand-me-down car). My other choice is to loathe it and feel enslaved by it? Nah; anyone who is a student of Abraham Hicks knows that you must love your current circumstances (like, ACTUALLY love them) if you are going to intentionally manifest something different. So, I REALLY love my Free Agent Status, I hug her up real good every day. It has afforded me to be selfish and creative. It has allowed me growth and freedom that I never knew existed. I hold it loosely with gratitude and an ongoing curiosity of what else it is here to teach me.

And sometimes, late at night or early in the morning, I remember what it’s like to be partnered or to be truly loved unconditionally by another. Those bookend wisps of the day, the witching hours, when your spirit is quiet and loud in tandem; these are the moments of vulnerability and twang of poignancy. I realize that in the delight of being alone, there are moments of loneliness. I am not exempt because I claim boldness and partnership with my aloneness; I continue to be a human that desires connection and sometimes, I recognize the absence of it. It can be palpable and uncomfortable to rest in; however, I feel like there is something in that inner twist that I am supposed to listen to. Again, this belongs to me; just like any other emotion. It is not my house that I live in, but it is a stiff wind on a sunny day. A bit of a distraction and just demanding enough to catch your attention.

The illusion of loneliness is that it belongs to the single, the introverted, the ones who are physically alone, the ones who are distraught or  in visceral pain. The truth is that it is an emotion that mirrors our disconnection from ourselves. It’s an emotion that belongs to all of us. It illuminates dark corners of our heart that have the ability to be neglected during the day, when distraction and movement is our buoy. There is nothing to be afraid of when this emotion shows up; it is only indicating that you are a human who has a heartbeat. It is a reminder to me to open up my heart and invite in friendship and love. It is reminder that as the gatekeeper of my heart, perhaps I have been too vigilant in minding the borders. Time to tear down the wall, or loosen up immigration laws...or...shit, I’ve entered a whole separate conversation. Point being: loneliness is a self inflicted emotion that surfaces when I keep others out and at a distance and when I label myself as separate from.

There are no good and bad emotions; that is a fallacy. Our emotions are just a lighthouse on the shore; beckoning us towards something. There is a unhelpful belief that if you feel something it must be given a value; begin with recognition and curiosity and leave the evaluation behind. Loneliness is neither good or bad; it just is. Marianne Williamson stated in 'A Return To Love', “We think we have many problems but we only have one: denying love.” Both loneliness and physical aloneness are call to actions that allow us to return to love; love of ourselves and others. They are both the mirror and the avenue through where we are called back to the basic truth that we are here to remember: only love is real. Everything else is meaningless.

Love ya Angels <3

Love ya Angels <3

 

 

Where Did You Get That?!

I just want to preface this post by saying I realize that it might, on the surface, seem frivolous, but I actually think it is really important (so, I’m prematurely asking you to stick with me on this).

I often get asked about the jewelry I wear, and I love sharing with people not only where I got these specific pieces but also why I chose to wear them. When I was younger, I was jealous of other women who were super “good” at putting together a cute outfit, or always had the most beautiful necklace or ring. I never felt like I could figure out my “look” (or if I tried, it just felt awkward and looked unfortunately pieced together). Let’s paint a quick picture: my favorite outfit was stirrup pants and my dad’s work shirt. I struggled (and now I send tons of love to that younger version of me, because she was really trying...bless her heart).

But, I digress (one of my favorite conversational things to do). So, today as a grown and considerably more confident woman, I realized that the missing element of me rocking random gems and taking fashion risks in my youth was the ownership. The conscious intention and confidence behind adorning them was missing. I didn’t realize, “That just isn’t me" is an arbitrary rule that I was creating for myself. At any moment you can shift that limiting statement to: “Whatever I wear is me (because I say so), and whatever I choose to put on my body is meant to enhance confidence, power and project positive identity into the world”.

Does it seem like I’m taking wearing jewelry too far? Maybe. But probably not. Have you ever put something on one day when you felt uncomfortable, unsure and sad and then put it on another day when your attitude was lighter, brighter and happier and had a completely different opinion? It transforms that item and the person who wears it! Why waste an opportunity to infuse your day, your life, with incremental vibrations of love and happiness?! It MATTERS how we feel and what we think about the items in our life; so I take any opportunity to come into a state of mindfulness, even just about something small, like a necklace. 

 

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What I’ve learned about myself is that it is important what I put on my body (almost as much as what I put in my body). I feel more confident and happy when I have clothes and jewelry that project who I am and help me walk through the world with my eyes up and my vibration at its’ highest.  I now am able to choose wisely and thoughtfully about what I am wanting to draw in, as well as share those awarenesses with others. Our external appearance can be a beautiful vehicle to illustrate to ourselves and the world what we value. Below I have shared the jewelry that I currently wear every day and the intentions and thoughts behind WHY I chose these items specifically.

https://www.tigerframe.com

https://www.tigerframe.com

Balinese Bracelet:

These three strings are twisted together and placed on the wrist of the person who just received the traditional Balinese healing ceremony. You are instructed to wear the bracelet until it falls off on its own. The colors represent the light (white), the dark (black) and the fire (red) within all of us. It is a visual reminder to have compassion for myself and others, even when it is really hard.

Evil Eye Bracelet (TigerFrame): 

The eye symbolizes perception, intuition and protection. The evil eye is an ancient symbol used in many different cultures across the globe to enhance your own intuition and ward off darkness. I wear it as a visual representation of listening to my inner compass and to trust that whatever is meant for me will arrive and whatever misses me was never meant to be.

Link to Tiger Frame Jewelry: https://www.tigerframe.com

 

https://www.tigerframe.com

https://www.tigerframe.com

Iolite Ring:

I bought this ring when I was in Bali last year. Iolite is also known as Viking’s Compass (read the history of Iolite here https://www.jewelsforme.com/gem_and_jewelry_library/iolite). There are also many emotional attributes to the stone. Iolite has been said to enhance curiosity and achievement, guiding one through spiritual growth. It has also been said to overcome codependency with a partner. It brings friendliness and higher, purer thoughts, promotes charity and helpfulness. The stone awakens our hunger for the love of our whole self, aiding in accepting ourselves. I love wearing stones that draw in a specific vibration and allow the wearer to continue to meditate on their intention all day.

I am in LOVE with this women-owned jewelry company POUND. I bought my first pendulum necklace from them about 2 years ago (from my amazing hair salon, Head to Toe, who carries incredible, unique art and gems). Their vision for their products is about infusing each stone and piece with the energy of transformation, strength and power. I have bought an obscene amount of pendulums from POUND (for myself and others) and the two I tend to wear the most are posted below.

http://www.poundjewelry.com

http://www.poundjewelry.com

Herkimer Diamond Choker:

“Herkimer Quartz crystals are known to be the MOST powerful of all Clear Crystal Quartz in the Crystal Kingdom and are known as the "diamonds" of the mineral world due to their purity, clarity, brilliance and strong energies. They are known as "Life-Force" crystals and "Attunement" stones that attune to YOU and that which you are attracting. They also MAGNIFY what you set intentions to.” Wearing this everyday (literally, never taking it off) reminds me daily to speak my truth, be brave, be clear and walk each step of my journey with complete faith. Powerful ass little stone :)

http://www.poundjewelry.com

http://www.poundjewelry.com

“Rose quartz is known as the “Stone of Unconditional Love.” It carries in its essence a tender and compassionate nature, reminding us that love reigns supreme. Rose quartz reawakens an innate love and opens the heart chakra, which is directly associated with love—romantic, compassionate and love of Self. Used as a token since around the year 600 B.C., it is a talisman for relationships of all kinds, most notably in love relationships. This stone stimulates the imagination and inspires beauty in all creative pursuits. As you can imagine, this is a necklace I wear to remind myself to walk my life in complete love-with myself and others. It is a beautiful and powerful pendulum that I feel beautiful and powerful wearing. 

 

POUND has also generously offered a 10% discount code for LuxHippieLife Tribers, which you can enter at checkout: POUND10

http://www.poundjewelry.com

In addition to the reasons I have mentioned, wearing these pieces has attracted many opportunities for connections to be made. I can't tell you how many people have come up to me on a regular basis and inquired about my jewelry; as someone who is always lifted by kindness and connection, it is a lovely byproduct of wearing high vibrational items. I encourage you to be lovingly discerning with what you choose to pull into your aura each day. Love what you wear and wear what you love.

With Love Fam,

Nik

I Am A Force

Today I had the first glimmer of my old self. I woke up this morning and although I was still hit initially with the pain, it subsided more quickly. I actually slept last night. I actually ate yesterday. I’ve been hearing messages from my helpers and guides about this relationship and what it means for me. That it is a launchpad. A divine gift. It was a traumatic force that made me wake up. I have choice again. Detoxing from him will take some time, and I can already feel the love in my heart return. I have more compassion for what I traversed. I’m remembering who I am without him.

My higher self, my divine awareness is flickering back on. I went out to dinner with a girlfriend and laughed last night. I teared up knowing my best friend is having her baby today. I am making plans to travel, move, create. These are bits of me that I put on a shelf to create as much space as possible for him. It is beginning to stop being about him, finally, and starting to be about me.

I don’t pretend that I’m okay yet, because I’m not. I am forever changed. I wept for most of yesterday, on and off. It feels like a Great Purge. Sobs leaving my body. His energy that still feels like it is in me, on me, lives in my space, escaping with each tear or breath released. He infiltrated my life, my head, my heart. You don’t just move on, you have feel it. I have to feel it. I have to experience this in order to walk away completely. I can’t numb it nor do I want to. I want to feel my truth. Also, smudging helps :)

I have been reading a lot about people who treat others like this and how it affects their “victims”. I dislike that word greatly. It implies powerlessness and meekness. I am neither. Anyone who has ever met me knows that I am a force. Never down for long. A nurturer and a protector. A seeker. Resilient AF. I called in this experience with this man for a reason. I needed him to illustrate something for me. I allowed myself to accept pain from another person and called it love. Make no mistake, though-I accepted it. I welcomed it. He mirrored for me the emptiness in myself that I get to heal.

The idea of betrayal is one of the most archetypal stories on our planet; a person you trusted and loved abuses those sacred feelings and forces you into one of the darkest moments of your life (basically every Disney movie ever). The darkness demands that you examine yourself and what you are capable of. You either crumble or rise; you redefine faith and self. You shed the old beliefs of limits and step into the version of you that you were always destined for. This is Universal. This is mine and I am grateful for it.

For myself, for my clients, for anyone who reads this--the power in this story is not about how he ruined me. Because he didn’t. It is about the Rise. It is about the fucking Holy Rise from true darkness. That is my truth today and I’m sending you all true love on your own journey on your own Rise.

 

Current resources that I am leaning on and highly recommend: